Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Neuro-Behavioral Consultants

Are your underpaid and overworked employees not productive enough? Are you relying on conditioning schedules and have they figured out that you always use variable ratio? Well spruce up your 20th century behavioral methods with some 21st century neuroscience. Play your employees nucleus accumbens like Mozart with our scientifically validated work incentives and motivation techniques. We're not going to give you any of the mumbo-jumbo consultant speak like you'll get from other firms, no we're going to give you arcane scientific jargon that will only be loosely related to to any of the high-level cognitive processes that we say we'll be changing. Our understanding of neuroscience will help companies understand the emotional and subconscious aspects of decision-making, and formulate strategies to improve productivity and subjective well-being. Mention the keyword EngagedBrain to receive a discount on "dopamine" our initial meet and greet package.

Disclaimer: This is a work of satire. In the tradition of A Prairie Home Companion, this ad, among others, will form the backbone of the underwriting and sponsorship of my podcast.

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